At World's End

Deathly Hallows...

2007-07-22T13:57:00.000+08:00

Just read Deathly Hallows. I won't say much here for the obvious reasons of spoilers but I can't remember crying so hard over a book. And I started tearing right from the begining because first and foremost, holding the book in my hands gave me a shrewd reminder that this is the end of the Harry Potter phenomenon. The 10 year saga, through which I practically grew up, has finally come to an end. Suddenly after reading the last word of the book, I felt as if a large chunk of me has fallen off. Even as I write this, I feel so horribly emotional because I can't believe that everything is over. No longer are we going to be treated into the fabulous world of magic and Hogwarts or witness the tyranny of Lord Voldemort and his cronies or hear the usually unintelligable words of wisdom from Albus Dumbledore. When I read Half Blood Prince, I didnot even tear up at Dumbledore's death. No I simply felt, well it was more like Surely Snape has a good reason for what he did.

I cried particularly hard at Snape's death. (This isn't much of a giveaway since most of us knew he was going to get snuffed in the end) It wasn't the honourable death that we had all expected him to receive. No he died rather pathetically, killed by Voldemort not for the reasons of being a traitor but for something else...I guess part of the reason why I teared up so miserably is because deep down inside me I hoped he'd survive. That he'd be honoured by the wizarding world for his sacrifices. His bravery and loyalty. But he died and I guess if Snape was real, that'd be the way he would've wanted to go.

I enjoyed the Snape/Lily shipper, something most of us had once again guessed correctly ever since Jo mentioned something big about Lily would be revealed and also Dumbledore's cast iron excuse to trust Snape. Harry Potter fans are not dumb you know, we can indeed add 2+2 without the aid of magic. :) I enjoyed the flashbacks (i.e. Snape's memories with his approval if I may add) that Harry saw in the Penesive. The young Sev was just so adorable and it pains me to envisiage he actually joined the Death Eaters. But nevertheless I appreciate Rowling giving backbone to the Snape/Lily shipper even though it was one sided. Another point of delight is that both Snape and Lily in their years at Hogwarts acknowledged they were BEST FRIENDS. I can almost imagine the plethora of fanfictions that are going to prop up on various Harry Potter communities.

I hated a certain someone's death. He was just awesome and shouldn't have died. Jo didn't do justice to his otherwise lovable character. His death occurs at Pg 538 British edition. You should know who if you've read the book. That was gut wrenching and I cried a lot over it. He was one of my favourite. I also hated a couple's death. No really a couple but you can guess who I am talking about. I expected him to survive but now I guess the Marauders are all reunited in afterlife! Happy thing!

Let's see another part that made me go aww was the Malfoys at the end. How they cuddled up together and held each other. They had no friends (all their friends were power hungry DEs lead by a lunatic), only each other. I never expected such display of affection from them. I think JKR did them justice. <3 Malfoys.

2 of my favourite creatures died. Why! It is sad. I will miss them terribly especially the one who worked in Hogwarts. :(

That's all I can say. The rest of the book was action packed and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I just wish the Order of the Phoneix, most of them, didn't die. Especially the guy on Pg 539 and Snape. :(

Man I sure feel empty now that the suspense is over.

The epilogue made me cry again because 19 years have passed! Since all of them died. It's a personal issue...don't bother. But Albus Severus Potter is just the most adorable kid in the world! James Harry Potter reminds us so much of James Potter Sr. Haha! You'll know what I am talking about. And Scorpius Malfoy. Hahah! Jo should definitely write another series documenting the rivalry between Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Draco Malfoy. :D

Bottomline: I love Severus Snape! And the entire series and I have found some respect for Mr. Scarhead now that he acknowledges Snape as the bravest man he ever met rather than a greasy git. :D

I guess after reading Harry Potter one can look at death a little more optimistically. Dunno why I said that but...that's just how I feel.

Reflection...

2007-06-07T21:40:00.001+08:00

I actually managed to get a lot of studying done despite oversleeping, hence, missing school. I revised my History and Math quite intensely but I still think there's that enthusiasm missing in me. I used to have so much of it when I was in Sec 2. I used to find sheer joy in studying and nowadays I just cannot concentrate. I mean sitting down and studying for a solid half an hour has become a challenge for me whereas when I was younger I used to study for 2-3 hours solid without any breaks at all. That explains the dip in my grades. I used to be a straight A student and now I'm barely getting any As.

And everday I hear how NUS, NTU and SMU are becoming more stringent over their admission criteria and only admitting the best of the best. Even some straight A cases are not getting into the course of their choice. Then I see my progress report and I get so depressed. These shouldn't be the grades for me. I am capable of better grades. I know I have enough calibre and intelligence in me to get all As. But for the last 3 years I have been feeling so dazed, out of focus. I guess that attributes to my not-so-impressive O level results. I don't think I can afford to have a repitation of that fiasco. This is my last chance to redeem myself, to decide on a good career and work hard for it. If I screw up my A levels, I am finished for life. I have one shot, one opportunity and I just can't blow it.

It feels good now, getting that bit above off my chest. I spoke to my cousin about this problem and she gave me a good piece of advice. She told me I can overcome this concentration deficiency by forcing my will over my mind. I must tell my mind not to wonder off but focus on studying. I must assert self control over myself and will myself to study. She also told me to somehow find that similar joy I used to feel while studying 4 years back. I must love the new things I learn. Gaah. Ok, enough of I will do this or that. I've decided from tomorrow onwards, I'll take control of my life. I'll force myself to sit down and study for solid 2-5 hours.

Prelims are in 6 weeks time, A levels in 4 months. I am not going to go down without a fight. Time to wake up, work hard and kick ass! Hell yeah! :D

What would you do?

2007-06-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

I wonder where it will all end. These uncertainties that linger over my head, the screaming pessimism in my head. The thumping of my heart against my ribs as fear rushes through my vein, my vision blurs and I hear the drums beating my ears. I know I am preparing myself for war. I was taught to be fearless yet my torso shakes with fear. The agony of waiting, watching, waiting and anticipating, knowing well that the worst is yet to come. What would you do?

Coupling

2007-06-03T19:41:00.001+08:00

I want Coupling Series 1-4 on DVD! I'm simply hooked to the show. I just love Jeff's semi-Scottish, semi-Irish accent. Yes in case you are wondering, they are different accents. And I love Patrick's cool headedness and Steve's whinning. Jack Davenport is of course teh darling. <3 But seriously I want Coupling on DVD! *sobs*

Not cool!

2007-06-03T17:05:00.000+08:00

JACK DAVENPORT! You do not look hot in that long messy hair style. I understand the pirate in you is wanting to immitate Jack Sparrow for whatever reason God knows, you are far better off with that cute nerdy neat hairstyle you had when you were shooting Coupling. Please get you damn hair cut you bloody Brit.

Pirates ranting. Arrr!

2007-06-02T14:10:00.000+08:00

I watched At World's End once more. I don't know why but I guess I was desperate to shake this feeling off me that told me AWE sucked. The first time I saw it, I was horrified by the character development. I hated the way how Jack Sparrow became a secondary character, Davy became a secondary antagonist and how the producers killed off Norrington when they built up such a powerful character at the end of DMC. Yes, I honestly thought Norrington would get more screen time and would have somewhat of an instrumental role in the end, i.e. switching sides, betraying Beckett. Besides that, there were many unwanted scenes that the movie could've done without. Like voting Elizabeth the Pirate King. First of all, it should've been a Pirate Queen but more importantly it was uncalled for. She was given too much of an importance in this movie as compared to the first two. That is perfectly normal for someone watching Pirates for the first time but to those of us deligently following the storyline it was uncalled for. I felt the plot was a mess, all over the place.

And Will, the new captain of the Dutchman? Well better than Jack becoming the captain which, would've been all too predictable. Still I felt disappointed by the lack of importance Davy Jones received in this movie. And Norrington as well (partly because Jack Davenport's drop dead hot and sexy but that aside...).

But I guess what saved the movie was probably the top notch acting by the cast. Yes there was great chemistry between Rush and Depp and the constant bickering of Barbossa and Sparrow, just adorable but sometimes over the top. The tension between Will and Elizabeth was well orchestrated and the old sparks between James and Liz was nice. I liked the kiss, because it was poignant and well gentle and...need I go on? And the thing that hit the jackpot was the awesome special effects! Especially towards the end, when they lined up for battle. The Black Pearl vs the Flying Dutchman. It was mindblowing, spectacular. This reminds me, the whole releasing of Calypso was just waste of screen time. I mean we did not need to see a 20 feet tall giant Tia Dalma dissipating into hundreds of crabs. No. I particularly enjoyed the battle between the Pearl and the Dutchman and that whirlpool.

Let's see. Oh yes, Tom Hollander! He has officially made me a fan. When I first saw him in DMC I thought he was a dickhead, similar to how much scorn I directed towards Norrington after CoTBP. The way he portrayed Beckett, it was just amazing. Especially at the end, when both the Pearl and the Dutchman fired at his ship, he just stood there, stunned, expressionless, only muttering, "It's just good business..." I felt I could seriously jump into the screen and kiss him. Hot and incredibly sexy.

Why are all Navy officers such stuck up arses in their first impression? Hmmm? Then drop dead sexy and gorgeous in the subsequent ones? Damn you Norrington! Damn you Beckett! And there goes my muse again. Never mind.

I'd still give AWE a 4 out of 5. I still stand by CoTBP. It's the best of the 3. I hope there'll be more of Pirates. Arrrr!

PS: I forgot to mention, Johnny looked hot as ever! :D

Emo Post about friends

2007-05-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

You know I thought by the time people reach Junior Colleges, they'll be mature enough to leave their superficial artificial selves behind and approach life in a mature and open-minded way. But I realize that was just me thinking of bullshit. People are still the same egoistic, self centered and backstabbing teens that they were in Secondary school. And yes, sad to say some of my classmates are exact representation of these people. They are always looking for someone to hate, someone to bully to vet their own insecure appetites. Whether it's me or someone else, I do not particularly care but they are always on to it. It's like as if they cannot accept anyone who treads a different path than what is considered a norm.

Come to think of it, it'll be selfish to describe all of my classmates in this manner. No there are some really genuinely nice people who are not judgemental, vindictive and not looking for a poor soul to bully. Like Christine. Last year I used to avoid her under the pretense that she'll probably be judgemental of me and that if I ended up on her bad side, she'll not like me and stuff. But this year as I got to know her better, I realized she is a really nice person to talk to and not at all the type of person I envisioned her to be last year.

Then there's people like Ryan, Salem. Always nice to talk to them whenever I am in need for a good laugh.

Finally there are 2 people in my class whom I feel I can trust my life with. And ironically they are the first 2 friends I made in YJ. Ying Xia and Daryl. They've really stuck by me even when I was being reserved and ignorant and they never fail to share a joke with me or they never get tired of me bitching about YJC and other things in life. I always have such a great time with Ying Xia bullshitting about all the absurdities and abnormalities in life and I have fun stoning with Daryl during lectures.

You know after we graduate from YJ, I think I'll probably end up keeping in touch with these 2 people because they're genuine friends. They're not fake, I know they'll never backstab me and I'm pretty sure in times of dire needs they'll stick by me. I guess life would have been very different if I wasn't in YJ or if I wasn't in 121/221.

Well despite my outright agnostic attitude, I thank God everyday for giving me a blessed family, a pair of jokers (Luis and Ian), my friends (like Sharon, Rat, Arnie, Jen...) and also amazing school friends like YX and Daryl.

I love them all!

And in the true word's of Nick Carraway, I feel that "reserving judgement is a matter of infinite hope."

Books and Weather - What a non sequiter!

2007-05-08T20:34:00.000+08:00

I am not going to bitch about school except for the horrible weather. When my British friends complain about the terrible London weather, I wish they'd be instantly teleported to Singapore and experience the heat wave that is constantly inflicting it's presence on us. The temparature is hot, humid and it has that sticky feeling to it. Urgh. School is becoming a drag because of this. I only enjoy lessons in the LTs or in the air-conditioned classrooms. At least it prevents me from dozing off from the immense heat. The library is another safe heaven to escape from the heat. Lol. But I do miss the study area. That used to be my safe heaven in JC1 when I was living the life of a hermit, towards the begining of the year.

Besides the crappy weather, I was so bored during my free period (yeah someone please shout and remind me A levels are in 5 months' time) that I came up with a reading list. Something to get a indepth insight to the subjects I am studying.

For Whom The Bell Tolls - Ernest Hemingway - nearly finished
Farewell to Arms - Hemingway - finished
Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton - reading
1984- George Orwell
The World is Flat - Thomas Friedman
Jude, The Obscure - Thomas Hardy
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen - finished
Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen - finished
God of Small Things - Arundhuti Roy - finished

I'll update the list as and when I come across a new book. :)

Miserable day

2007-05-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

I hate being sick. The worst part is that the flu bug or virus or whatever it is refuses to go away. It refuses to leave me alone! I have been coughing my lungs out for the past 2 weeks. I finished my antibiotics course, all the other medicines the doctor gave and even emptied a packet of panadol in the span of 14 days and when I went to college today I still felt like crap. I felt like as if I'll drop dead any second. The only good thing in an otherwise sucky day was Mr. Spencer. He never fails to make me laugh. Apparently he noticed my "condition" and promised to be nice to me for the day. LOL! Funny guy. If there's one thing I'll miss about YJ it's definitely him. Because he's a true educationalist (as Ms Aminah said) and a commedian. My Dad is also very impressed with him, since he met him last year during PTD. He says all Lit teachers should be a little eccentric like Mr. Spencer. Heh.

Then there was GP. Thank goodness we went to Comp Lab to do our Student's General Certificate. It's the school's way of being extremely lame. Well I wrote down my 3 most significant competitions to the school. Guitar. CVD. Competitions. Blah. I wished for a moment that instead of Guitar I was able to write Debate. All those debate trainings, late night grindings flashed in my mind but I decided to keep them in the past. Debate and YJ. Well they never happened. I'll deny it. I'll probably take up debate in university again.

Then had Econs lecture. It was...not interesting for some reason. Yeah I remember because the LT was fucking cold (I was sitting right under the air-con) and Mr. Syn spoke too loudly into the microphone and my ears hurt. Thankfully one brave soul mentioned this to him and he got relatively softer. Oh but his mispronunciations were funny. Poor guys.

History was urgh. By then I was a walking zombie. SBQ sucks. I swear I hate that. I'd rather write 400000000000 essays than 1 SBQ. It's just so analytical and yeah essays require in depth analysis but SBQ is just so SUCKY. Man that pretty much sums up my miserable day. Oh and it was raining. One of those annoying days when all you want to do is cuddle under your blanket and sleep rather than to travel from Pasir Ris to Yishun. Grrrr.

Sometimes I really wish I had chosen Meridian instead of deciding to stay on at YJ. Damn. But I guess I wouldn't have met my wonderful classmates and Mr. Spencer otherwise. Heh. I love my class. Well most of them. The ones I speak to regularly. They're really nice people. Had an awesome time bitching about YJ with Christine during our common break. Last year I didn't speak to her much but this year I found out she's a really cool person to talk to. :D

And guess what? I know a secret! Courtesy of Ningsih Utomo.

Oh and I almost forgot. I watched Spidey yesterday. It was ok except for the ending. Can't give away the spoiler but seriously a certain someone shouldn't have died. What happened to Happily Everafter? Hmph! Ciao.

Homework beckons. Maths. Yay. *sarcasm*

Ikea hot dogs are love

2007-04-28T18:27:00.000+08:00

Man I am addicted to Ikea hot dogs. They're yum. It's so convenient to have a huge Ikea store in your neighbourhood. Me likes!

Idol Gives Back

2007-04-27T18:45:00.000+08:00

Was watching American Idol : Idols Give Back on Star World. I like the concept of making it a Charity event instead of the usual Idol Perform Idol Eliminated shows. It was touching to hear Ellen Degenres announce in the middle of the show that so far from all the incoming calls they raised US$30 million.

I felt touched by the videos they showed where Ryan and Simon went to visit families in Africa, all of them have at least one member who is HIV positive. Then another video showed how many African children die from Malaria every day. It was really touching and it made me all mellow and emotional. I really hope these people can find their salvation at the hands of the international community. I mean we focus so much on combatting terrorism and corruption but we fail to see that AIDS, MALARIA, HUNGER and POVERTY are so much worse. They're more dangerous and they consume more lives everyday than all the terrorist organizations put together. Maybe I am exaggerating but you get the idea right?

Anyway this particular performance by Josh Groban with African kids really touched my heart. I have always loved the song You Raise Me Up but this was just...this left me speechless.

Dark Throne

2007-04-27T17:15:00.000+08:00

Damn Dark Throne is addictive. Just what I needed to shatter my concentration in preparation for the A levels.

This post serves as a testament to my dear friend's stupidity :)

2007-04-23T12:01:00.000+08:00

Some people are just born stupid. And this certain person (of course I don't need to be implicit, most of them know who it is) is a testament to just how stupid a person can be. Lol. Its funny sometimes how these idiots can come up with 101 reasons to hate you. Kind of explains their stupidity. I mean we all learn Econs and we all know TIME is our biggest scarcity and you'd think these people would find a better way to utilize their time than trying to find reasons to hate people. Tsk tsk. Anyway, our sentiments are mutual. Actually I disgrace myself by saying that because I cannot just believe I wasted 1 second of my precious life to think about that person then another second to hate that person and another 1 more second to actually type it out here. That's 3 seconds worth of my life gone. Oh my God. *shrieking laughter* Hint hint.

I am bored. Waiting for Ms Aminah's lesson to start. Should be fantastic (yes I am NOT being sarcastic). I mean she is funny and on Saturday we found out she has a sentimental side to her. Stop laughing! And there's this Daryl (De La Crap according to Salem's blog) who's playing some shitass game called Dark Throne and constantly accusing Ryan. Grow up Daryl. Haha.

Midsummer Night's Phantom Opera. Makes sense?

2007-04-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

New post again. Lol.

Dad got us tickets to

It rocks to have a father like him. The benefits are countless. Business Times rocks! He rocks! Wheee!

On a random note: I did not know that Luis Figo is actually still with Inter Milan and not some stupid shit ass Arabic club he was rumoured to have signed for. Yay!

G.R.E.Y

2007-04-19T23:09:00.000+08:00

Do I feel like we deserved better? Yes. Maybe not Gold with honours but definitely Gold. The way they were giving out GWH, we were so sure that we'll get a Gold. I mean VJ got a gold and their performance was not as good as ours. The only thing we could hear from their performance was their precussionists. Hello? This is central judging for GUITAR not precussionists! That was annoying.

It took a while to sink in. After the results, I saw everyone tried to keep a straight face, remain as stoic as possible so as to conceal the vulnerability and the tears that threatened to pour. We gave it our best but alas we were not rewarded accordingly.

Now there is no point crying over this as they will not change their decision. The only thing we can all do is look ahead to the future. Towards our A levels. And 20 years into the future when we reflect back on our SYF 2007, at least we can smile and feel proud of the closeness between everyone in G.R.E.Y. We are like a big family, everyone gets along even though there are instances of awkwardness or a bit of quarrel. But that's normal.

Do I regret being part of the SYF team? Do I regret sacrificing my lesson time and other free time to join the SYF team? Hell no! I feel damn proud of our Ensemble and even though the judges failed to recognize us for who we are, we sure did. We all know we played as good as any of the teams that got Gold. Yeah so what if our Ensemble is only 28 strong compared to other school's 50 strong? We are one close-knit group and I hope in the future our juniors can emulate our success and strive further to get a Gold or Gold with Honours to show everyone that you do not need to be a top five filthy rich school to get the recognition you deserve for your talent.

I am going to miss guitar. It's ironic to say because prior to SYF when the stress was overwhelming I actually regretted joining guitar. I felt I made a mistake. Now as I am thinking about it, I am realizing that no, guitar was not a mistake. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made new friends, I continued my hobby, I learnt how to play the guitar properly and I had a few laughs and tears along the way but it was all worth it. I will cherish this memory for the rest of my life. G.R.E.Y really changed my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

God of all things?

2007-04-18T21:35:00.000+08:00

This is the second time I'm updating this blog. Wonder of wonder. I guess I have a few things to say, to get them off my chest and I don't think they're that personal so I guess typing it out here is safe. I was just talking to Luis, yeah the same guy whom I have known for a long time, when I was this lonely new kid in UWC. Talking to him always cheers me up because despite being completely tactless most of the time, he can say the right things to cheer me up.

I was just telling him how I miss those days in Kindergarten when we can just be who we are without people making snide comments about your appearence, your hairstyle, your looks, the type of accessories you own, the friends you keep and everything else. I miss those days when we can roam around happily and freely without having to worry about what kind of image you are actually portraying to others about yourself.

But now, people judge us by the first impression and if you make a wrong first impression, no one is going to bother to even find out if that is really you. They won't care to know who you really are, they'll just black list you based on the first impression you made on them. No matter how hard you try, they'll still stare at you, smirk at you and vaguely attempt to be polite when you are around, most of the time not really caring whether their remarks hurt your feelings or not. I realized people are so much more artificial and superficial when they grow up. Where did all our innocence go?

Where are those happy go lucky little babies that we were in Kindergarten, loving and caring for everyone. Telling God to keep them safe in our daily prayer before bed? Did those innocent things fade away just like that? Did they disappear from the face of the world?

Luis gave me a valuable advice which he gave me long ago. He told me, there is only one person in the world who'll always be true to you, be loyal to you, will lend you a shoulder to cry on, will cheer for you, point out your mistakes, love you and care for you. And that person is yourself. Because you can never lie to yourself. You cannot betray yourself. You are the only one who knows what you are going through and you are the only one who can provide the support that you need. You are the only one who can love yourself for who you are. The rest of the people, we meet and interact with daily?

Some are good. Some genuinely wishes you well. Thinks of you in their prayers. But the hard part is to discern between them and the overwhelming number of artificial pseudo friends that swarm around you, waiting to take advantage of you then leave you down on the floor bleeding. Then Luis asked me if I believed in God. I said no. He said something simple. He told me, most of us believe in God because we want something to hold on to. We want something that will help us cope with this superficiality in society. We all think God is benovelent, fair and just. We all turn to him, our faith in him, to escape this superficial nature of people around us. We are suspicious of everyone we meet, thinking constantly whether this new "friend" is indeed a friend or a foe. We live under constant suspicion because we know if we trust one wrong person, he or she can ruin you for life. We are all vulnerable to competition. I guess our generation is getting the full blast of the notion "Survival of the fittest". In a mad rush to become the fittest, we lose our ability to trust.

We should not be blamed for it, in fact circumstances made us this way. How can you be sure that the friend you helped today with integrity will not stab you in the back tomorrow to gain his or her own benefits? This kind of thing is not unheard of. It had happened to people before and as we experience how it feels vicariously through our friends. So Luis thinks that's why we turn to God because religion teaches us about God's perfection. Turning to God, reminds us there is still justice left in the world. That when the whole world is against you, it reminds you God will be there to help you cross your hurdles.

I admire Luis's sentiments but I remain agnostic. I cannot accept God's existance because if he was indeed the benevolent, just and fair diety that we worship, the world would be a different place. When I look around me, all I see is sorrow. I see people pretending to be someone who they are not just to fit in. Why? Because they are afraid. They are afraid that they may not be fit enough to survive in our world anymore. They are afraid they'll be villified and ridiculed for being imperfect. Where is the justice in that?

Symposium...

2007-04-18T18:55:00.000+08:00

I just returned from VJC. Went there for the Symposium. I think we did well, just anxiously awaiting to know if we did well enough to get through to the finals. I mean we kept our presentation simple and yet we were able to convey our message to the judges (I think). We stumbled upon IJC's presentation while waiting in the holding room and they used 1001 economics jargons like Injections, Withdrawals, Multiplier Effect, Aggregate Expenditure and more. I mean I wonder how they faired, especially since few of the student judges were not Econs student. I think.

I like our presentation because we kept it simple. Even some without any Econs background would be able to comprehend what we are trying to say.

While coming back from Symposium, I was thinking about it in the cab. I realized in less than 2 weeks how 3 completely different people came together, discussed up a presentation, spent hours in school trying to perfect it and yet managed to have a lot of fun in the process. Before the Symposium I knew who Kemp and Mus were but I only knew them by face. I didnot know what kind of people they were, their personalities or character. But now I know a lot more about them and we have become good friends now. I guess facilitating this smooth transition between 3 strangers was Mr. Syn, who did not mind at all staying back with us as late as 9 pm, helping us with the presentation. We actually had to be chased out of the school by the school attendent. Lol. He stuck with us for the past 2 weeks and if we do get through to the finals, it'll be a tribute to his dedication, commitment and also his patience in putting up with us. He's a real cool guy and I found out he actually went to the Mosaic Music Festival to watch Rachael Yamagata. Lol!

How unfair! Everyone I know who knows and has heard of her went to watch her perform. Now I feel so left out. Anyway Guitar SYF tomorrow. Hopefully we can get a Gold with Honours or at least a Gold. After that I want to distance myself from the dirty politics going on in Guitar. I hate it. But it did help me to recognize who my true friends are and also allowed me to see the true character of some people whom I used to care for a lot. Oh well...

2007-04-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

I was just having a chat with this old friend of mine, Ivan from UWCSEA. He was talking about how stressful his life is, especially with the IB around the corner. He was telling me that for the past 5 months he had no social life, no rest, no relaxation and even he gave up his jamming session with his band. Actually before he told me all of this, I messaged to him, complaining about how stressful my life is. Lol. Let's see, Common Test 2 just ended, Common Test 3 is in May. SAT is in June. Prelim is in August. A levels in November. Phew! Means mug mug mug. I better get on with it. I cannot afford to screw this up. If I do, I must learn how to use a broom cuz that's what I'll end up doing. *mugs*

Tired. Yawn.

2007-03-22T18:23:00.000+08:00

Well maths was just maths. No comments.

Random thing to say. I realized that say out of 10 friends, 7 of them are like guys. I don't know why, but I just get along better with guys because I share similar interests with them and in a totally non-butch style so Ryan, Daryl and Salem, before you go all anti-butch on me, read the words in bold. Lol!

I am going to play Maple Story now. Yeah, gay girly childish but liberating. Spares me the headaches I get from playing Counter Strike and recently I have been getting pawned too many times. I couldn't even last 30 seconds into the game before some smart ass loser shot me dead. It was frustrating, considering how I used to be good at it.

I am off now! Tomorrow, I have lessons. Such a drag. YJ is extremely good at raining down on our parades, destroying our post exam euphoria. *shakes head* CBBB! Not the swear words lah. Okay maybe they are. But who cares? Bleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Update! Oh joy! :D

2007-03-21T11:45:00.000+08:00

Heh! I have a Lit paper in like 2 hours and all I am doing is using the school computer, doing a whole lot of things with absolutely zero productivity. Which includes tagging Daryl's blog under Teewawa's name. Hahahahahah! And then next to me some guys are organizing their anti butch campaign. Lol! It all started on Saturday during the Chancellor's Shield when they came up with this anti-butch thing. It's seriously funny! Lol!

And History was so smoothly done! I love my darling! Muahahahaha! No comments Daryl! :D

Booring

2007-01-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

Apparently I have been nominated by school to go to the parliament on Budget Day as a spectator. I haven't collected the circular yet so I have no idea when it is or how to get there. But it should be fun, considering after living here for 7 years I finally get to see Parliament House up close instead of just speeding by it in our car.

Also, I am allowed to go to the NTU Economics seminar which means $7 is going out of my pocket tomorrow. Gaaah! But I think it'll be fun, especially since it's Economics. Okay confession time. I really really really love Economics and see it as a religion. Why? Because I am too bored to have a constructive social life. Anyway, my inclination towards the subject is only natural since everyone says I take after my father. Looks, attitude, interest. Sheesh. Yet the irony is that I do not wish to venture into the profession of Journalism despite having a good grasp of English. I wish to pursue my own profession, not step into my father's shoes. Not that I don't admire him for his work, but I wish for individuality.

Now I have to go. Aimi is teaching me German! German rocks! After grasping Spanish and meddling a little with Portuguese, I finally turned my attention to German. Oh joy! XD

Friends, te amo!!!!!

2007-01-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

You know I just realized that in my frantic search for the ultimate friend, I have neglected a lot of people, who actually care about me. The past few days I have been obsessive and compulsive about friendship, always finding faults in people, getting myself distressed over it. Why? Because I wanted that perfect friend who will love me for who I am, laugh at my lame jokes and will always be there to watch my back. But now I just realized that I do have perfect friends! Friends who always laugh at my jokes, love me for who I am, are concerned for me if I don't show up in school. Yet here I was completely oblivious to their presence. And I feel guilty about it. You guys know who you are and I apologise for everything! You guys seriously rock and life in YJ would be nothing without your constant jokes, jibes, puns and everything else. I realized today that I don't need universal popularity to survive in society. I just need a tight pack of really great friends. And I think I have finally found them. <3

The life of me.....

2007-01-20T19:36:00.000+08:00

Everyone around me seem to be struggling with their emotions. Some are upset by the loss of a friend, some by the loss of a lover and other, they are just simply upset and depressed. I feel like the thorn among the roses or vice versa. Something inside me tells me that I should feel the same way as people around me. I blame my nature to compromise myself to fit in, but how can I be so incredibly emotionless in an environment where its habbitants are filled with emotions?

When I laugh at silly jokes that Kingsley makes, or have animated conversations with Daryl and Ying Xia or even excitedly gossip about people with NingSih, I feel like I am hiding something inside me. When I am around these people, are these my real emotions? Do I truly feel happy in the company of my friends? No, do not misunderstand my intentions, I love my friends. But sometimes I feel like I am faking everything to appear so happy and joyful in front of them. Daryl once said in his blog that he admires my livelyness, my ability to remain cheerful all the time, but I feel like I have been deceiving him.

I am not cheerful. I can't be happy. I don't have any ounce of optimism left inside me. Insecurites have become my best friend. Lonliness excites me. The perception of failure intrigues me. Why? Why am I always putting up this facade in front of people? Why am I unable to let them see me. The real me. The one who isn't always cheerful or happy. The one who has so many insecurites in her life that sometimes her only option remains death. I live in a dark world, this darkness that surrounds me. I feel like I have built an iron wall around me to shield myself from everyone. I do not want them to see my vulnerability. My weakness. It scares me, to think that someone may look past me and see how fragile I am.

Everyday I long for freedom, I long to be taken away from here and be free in a place where I won't be afraid of who I am. I want to be able to tell everyone that I am not the perfect little girl that everyone sees me as but merely another carbon based life form trying to find it's place in this vast cavity that we call the Universe. I just want to be given a small space to live, I want to detach my strings from fate, hide from destiny and disappear from everyone's eyes. I just want to be all by myself, invisible, and do whatever I want to. I don't want any obstruction, any hurdles, any David vs Goliath situations in front of me. I just want to be me. The one who's lonely, depressed and insecure but likes it the way it is.

<3! There you go! That's emo! Muahahahahahah! I just felt like writing this. Don't take this too seriously. I was just practicing my writing style. Feel free to comment on it. Adios!

Huh?

2007-01-20T19:29:00.000+08:00

I want to write something but I am feeling horribly lazy to do so. I'll eventually get around doing it because you know my tendency to overly express myself, much to the annoyance of some people. Tsk tsk. Never mind.

Outing

2006-11-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

Today I went to town with Ying Xia and asked Daryl to come along. We went to NYDC for lunch and well we didn't exactly have lunch since those two boo boos already ate! So much for making me starve myself in the morning. And of course, me being the shy little twat that I am, felt embarrassed to have a whole meal in front of them. So I settled for what Daryl was having, Potato salad with bacon and lettuce. I added in cheese and spicy stuff too. Then we had the desert. I forgot the name but it was two scoops of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup all over and some brownies and whipped cream. It cost $9.50!!! But the three of us shared so it was okay. I wanted to take a picture of it but I didn't bring my camera. Damn. No opportunity to cam-whore today. Bleagh.

Went to Heeren after that and we were messing around at the Rip Curl store. We were commenting and critiscising their tank tops and took silly pictures in their hats. Yixie, remember to send me the picture ok? It was fun and Daryl got absolutely bored. Then he had another thing coming. Lol! YingXia wanted to be lingere and we didn't tell Daryl about it till we met up. LMAO! He looked horrifyed. Well in the end we ended up going from Heeren to Cathay Cineleisure to Taka. Lol. It was a fun outing.

Received news from Christine that there's this thing going on at Zouk next tuesday. Definitely going with YX and D. But missing Ning a lot cuz it would've been a whole lot more fun if she was around. >< However it's on the day of my Dad's Birthday so there might be some clash. But hopefully I can manage it.

Blohhhhh

2006-11-22T20:33:00.000+08:00

I went back to school today for History. Grrrr. I hate the Arab Israeli Conflict and Islamic Fundamentalism that we're studying. There's so much information that my brain circuits have fused. I have no idea how to study for it for next year's block test. But my history teacher is an insightful man and I think I have learned a lot about the on-going conflict that's going on in the Middle East and well my understanding of the situation has definitely improved.

Later went to lunch with Adeline. It was cool to hang out with her since like we haven't done so before. I mean I have known her for almost a year and this was the first time we were hanging out. We bitched about our secondary schools and how awfully strict they are. Haha! It was seriously fun to talk to her and then later on the ride home on 39 we both fell asleep. Heh!

Just now was playing bejewelled with Daryl. He owned the game. First try 32000+. The only one on our buddy list who has the highest score is Jean 38000+ but she took 6 tries. And I am the third with a pathetic 17000+. Blaaaaaaaaah!

Can't wait to go to India. I dunno why but I feel seriously homesick. Blaaaaaaaaaah! Ok bye! :) Tmr there's guitar practice. Too intensive but it's for SYF. Hopefully we can win Gold.

Promo fiasco

2006-11-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

Well promo results are out and I feel relieved that I got promoted. But that's just about it. I am not at all satisfied with what I got. BBBCE. Not very encouraging. I feel I should have gotten at least an A for History, GP and Economics. But they got downgraded to B. But I am happy with Lit, I honestly did not expect a C after that fiasco. However, Maths is worrying me. I am supposed to be good in maths, then why am I doing so badly? I feel very depressed. And at this point, parents don't help either. All they did was critiscize my maths grade and completely ignore my other grades. Sigh.

In a way I guess they are motivating me but sometimes it feels nice to hear them say, "Well done!" But this time I guess I have only mself to blame. I should have studied harder and longer. I should've sacrificed CS, Warcraft and Maple and studied! I truly regret it. I am taking this as a wake-up call, like my dad said. Next year is crucial. Next year is the last chance I have to launch a successful career for myself. It is one opportunity that I cannot afford to screw up at all costs. Which is why I have come up with 3 resolutions in the wake of the Promo disaster.

1) Study for longer hours everyday
2) Pay close attention in Lecture and Tutorials (no more fooling around!)
3) Sort out my priorities and ditch gaming and TV addictions.

Seriously, this is my final shot. And I am not going to screw it. I will work hard to make BBBCE to AAAAA. Definitely! I have faith in myself.

As for my 121 classmates, I have faith in all of you. No matter how you guys performed, remember this is not the end of the world. You may have lost the battle (like me) this time, but remember the A-levels is the War and that is something we will all win. Let's all work hard towards the As.

And for those who didn't make it or got provisionaly advanced, all I can say is work harder! Put in your best efforts because we all know you guys can do it! All you need is a bit of hard work. I have faith in you guys. I love you all loads! Rock on 121! You guys have been amazing.

A little observation

2006-11-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

I just realized trusting people can be a lot harder than I orginially imagined. Okay, maybe not this whole trust thing but more like depending on someone kind of thing. The point is, at the end of the day, if I take the plunge, will he take the plunge with me?

Luis gave me some great advice today. In the true words of D-generation X, "SUCK IT!" Lol! Thanks. Seriously I couldn't care less about who likes me or who doesn't. If you think I am not likeable and you want to advice your friends into doing the same go ahead. I seriously don't need people in my life who can't make a decision for themselves and needs your influence to do so. See if I care...

Friendship

2006-11-01T23:13:00.001+08:00

You know what I just realized? I had a very bad misconception for the longest time. I used to think that if you had many friends, you'd be truly happy. Which is why I was all out making friends in secondary school. And guess what? I got stabbed in the back, humiliated, rejected and all the possible nightmares you can think of. It explains why I was so reserved during the first 3 months at YJ, alienating myself most of the time, allowing myself to keep only a few friends.

Yeah sure I mean everyone says hi and hello but that's the expected decorum of society. Other than that, I am not sure if I feel anything for them. I mean yeah if they ever need help, I'll gladly help them. If they need a shoulder to cry on, I'll happily lend it to them. But somehow I'll never be attached to them in the certain way I am attached to my closest friends in YJ. Yixie. Ning. Kings. Tiwari (yeah I know, go ahead and gasp). Daryl (To some extent, when he doesn't tease me about who's going to be our new CT. :P). I don't know what I'll do without these guys. They are my life at school and I know I can tell them my deepest darkest miseries and they'll still smile and tell me to move on. I love you guys a lot!

I have now understood that it's quality not quantity that matters. You can have 100 friends but can you be certain all 100 of them are going to stand by you, no matter what? Through thick and thin? Yeah some will but what about the rest? But if you only focused and devoted all your love and friendship to those few you know will stick by you, won't it make it much nicer? Isn't the concept of being cosy well practiced and accepted? Hmmm? Well if you're reading this and you happen to be one whose name's not mentioned, don't take offence. I love you and I'll always be your friend. But they're just more special to me. Sorry. :)

Stupid PW

2006-11-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

I hate PW! It's a fucked up subject which doesn't deserve priority. But oh well...gotta pass it either way. Grrrrrrr! I just hope OP is over! Can't wait for PW to end. Then I'll truly celebrate.

Heart of Darkness Rocks!

2006-11-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

I know it's quite cliched to say this but hey, I had a really good day in school today, considering I have been suffering from massive depression the past few months and also focusing too much on my insecurites. But strangely things went so well today, thanks to two of my friends, Kings and Yixie. Ironically it happened when we were going home. Since it wasn't 1.30 pm yet, we weren't allowed to leave the school compound, so we lingered on near the Guard House. We got so bored that we started playing a really lame game called "Take 3 steps forward and then 2 steps backward". Then Mr. Tay went by and asked us what we were doing. When we explained our "game" to him, he improvised and adviced us to walk all the way to the courtyard and take one step at a time. According to his calculations, he said, "By the time we reach the Guard House, it'll already be 1.30", with that he just went off. Lol! Funny guy!

Another reason for my happiness is this!

YES! Finally got it. This is our last Lit text for the A-levels and I have been looking forward to this! Yeah sure it cost me $15 but it was money well spent. Not like as if I had an option of not buying but still, Christine and I are the only ones from our class who have purchased the book so far. Wheeeeeeeee!

Tomorrow I have to go back to school to do a stupid survey which our class didn't do today. We rock. We always do things as a class, that includes skipping tutorial, which our dear P21 did once. That also Econs because Ms Koh wasn't around. Oh boy, I don't think I'll ever forget the scolding we got from Mr. Syn because he was waiting for us at our venue and no one showed up! LOL! :D

Anyway, just because I feel like it, let me show you all of my Lit texts ok?

Ok, gotta go. Going to continue reading Heart of Darkness.

Boedi Oetomo

2006-11-01T11:39:00.000+08:00

Kingsley finds this funny! Booo!

According to him, "I find it funny because you (me) were talking to your brother...ah you know the rest *funny smirk*" Go Figure.

Going for Spencer's Lit in a while.......bah!

Incase you can't figure it out, I am at school.

Rain rain rain

2006-10-31T18:36:00.000+08:00

I took some pretty pictures of my house. It was raining. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The Prestige

2006-10-31T18:34:00.000+08:00

Yep! Finally watched it. Loved it. Hugh hugh hugh. My Hottie Hugh! I won't reveal anything here. Go watch it yourself but all I can say is that it's bloody good! Whooooooo!

Bad bad bad

2006-10-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

I watched 10 Things I hate About You and the movie rocked! Seriously, who can resist the sexy Heath Ledger with long hair and a very sexy Aussie accent? Julia Stiles of course! This is one awesome romantic teen flick/comedy featuring my David Krumholtz. You'd know David more as the Mathematical prodigy Charlie Epps in Numb3rs. Anyway, I wasted the whole day, doing practically nothing other than watching movies.

Yeah, today I watched a grand total of 4 movies and Disney Channel. I watched Exorcist: The Begining, Scary Movie 4 (couldn't resist watching the Exorcist parody), 10 Things I Hate About You and of course at the moment I am watching the sexy Keanu Reeves in Constantine. Wheeee! Like I always say, the Devil's gay in that movie...gives me scarring images of the devil and Lucifer. Oh my God! Someone please make me stop, staple my mouth if need be! I am so going to hell for this.

I can't wait for normal lessons to resume at school. School life is becoming boring and lethargic with intense mother tongue lessons and PW. I have free periods during mt and PW is something I absolutely loathe and hate. So you can imagine what a drag it is for me to go to school. Which kind of explains why in this week, I only went to school once. Oh but before you go around thinking I am delinquent, let me explain that Tuesday and Friday (today, you dolt!) were declared a holiday while Monday was a half day. I graced my presence at school on Wednesday and was mortified by how boring school life has become. Sheesh!

Can't wait for Week 10. It's going to be intense revision for next year and there's Econs and Maths and History everyday! Not too enthusiastic over Literature but I am making an effort to really enjoy the subject and hopefully get an A next year. Plus promo results are going to be released. It's ridiculous they're making us wait for so long. Can you imagine the anxiety we are all put through? Hopefully I can do well. I know I can pass because the papers went okay, not disastrous. Let's just hope I can do well enough to acheive the target I set for myself. Also, what I am most afraid of is that what if my class gets split up? I don't want my friends to retain. I wish everyone got promoted so that we can have joyful J2 year as Class 221, the most annoying class in YJC. Heee! Well let's hope for the best! :D

WTC - 9/11

2006-10-26T12:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday during History we watched this 9/11 video shot live by 2 filmmakers. Actually they were filming one guy from the NY Fire Station. Well the fire department got a call that there was a supposed underground gas leak near WTC buildings and they went there to investigate. One of the film makers tagged along and he was video taping the incident and for a moment diverted his camera to capture the WTC building and BOOM! The first plane crashed into the South tower and the explosion was caught live on tape.

It was really disturbing because you can almost feel what the people trapped in WTC building were feeling. I mean, you have a burning plane stuck on the 80th floor and jet fuel has damaged the elevator and you have no chance of escaping. You stay there, trapped in an inferno, because from the looks of it, the site of collision was burning. I am assuming the 80th floor and a few other floors were burning as well. I almost choked in tears as I tried to imagine what the people felt.

But it was great to watch how firemen from all over New York poured into WTC building within minutes after receiving the call. They mobilised themselves quickly and the cheifs set up a command centre at the lobby. But you know what really really hurt and disturbed me? Was when the narrator said that the people couldn't be evacuated through the lobby door because there were not only debries falling, but people too. I mean you could hear it, a big THUD and you could tell someone just ended his/her life. I mean I heard from people who watched the whole tragedy and how traumatized they were when they saw people jumping down from those high floors, some of them on fire...it was just sad and painful.

Then, the filmmaker managed to capture the collapse of the whole South tower. He was inside the tower when it collapsed! However, him and the other firemen managed to escape unharmed but you could hear the noise and the trembles when the tower was collapsing. That was just part 1. Mr. Tay says there's a part 2 to the tragedy. I seriously don't think I can take anymore of it. Even though this is supposed to give us an overview of our next History topic, that is Islamic Fundamentalism but seriously, I never took the WTC tragedy seriously until yesterday. By that I mean, yeah sure I heard about the tragedy and I felt bad for the people who lost their loved ones but this...it just gave me a whole new image of what happened on 9/11/2001. And today I truly feel pained about this tragedy. I mean how could people do this to their own kind? I mean sure the terrorists think they're fighting their own battle but no religion preaches taking the life of innocent people as a honourable thing to do.

I hope nothing of this sort happens in the future. Can't everyone just live in peace?

Xabiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

2006-10-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

I feel mesmerized by this man.

He is so sophisticated.

Eloquent.

Elegant.

Gentle.

Fluffy.

Almost like a teddy bear.

His name is Xabi Alonso.

My adventures at vivo

2006-10-23T10:00:00.000+08:00

Went to Vivo City on Friday to celebrate the end of promos with Yixie and Daryl. It was fun! I mean Vivo was like any other shopping mall, with lots of shop, even the new outlet, Gap. I'd say Gap's just a fake immitation of Levi. At least that's what all the Jeans looked like. Anyway, the funny thing at Vivo is that there is no decent place to eat. We went to Sakae but the prices scared the crap out of us. Then we ventured into some of the restaurants, knowing well enough that we couldn't afford it, and were mersmerized by the prices.

Eventually we settled for Subway, which ironically was outside Vivo City. It was in the Harbourfront mall. Anyway, we ended up spending almost 10 bucks on a meal. Lol! See?

After eating, we went boozing. Haha! We devirginized Daryl. Not in that sense you stupid little pervert. It was D's first experience with alcohol. So he stuck to a Vodka (5% alc) . Haha!

We would've gotten a Ben and Jerry's if the stall was open. Anyway, went home around 10.30+ and my parents were running a riot. Stupid people. I mean hello, which part of EXAMS ARE OVER do they not understand? Anyway, I was too tired to argue so I went straight to bed. Muahahahahhaa!

Fun Fun Fun

2006-10-20T11:18:00.000+08:00

Resa and I have the funniest conversations ever. Today, we were talking about Girls Aloud and how we should audition for it, she said we should form our own band with 2 of our favourite footballers who might just consider a change in profession. Iker Casillas and Luis Figo. Here's the conversation.

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
let's go and audition

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
or we can form our own band!

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
yeah.

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
hee

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
I can do the guitar since I play it...you can sing...we need a drummer...you think Iker might consider a change of profession?

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
Possibly.

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
but Luis plays drums!

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
he'd be offended we didn't ask him

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
he can ummm...join our band as long as he promises never to take his shirt off and reveal the hairy body

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
otherwise, our band's publicity is at stake

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
or if he waxes?

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
possible...

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
he could appeal to the mid 30s ladies especially

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
did you watch the movie coyote ugly?

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
yis!

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
remember Adam Garcia and how he was being auctioned

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
maybe after a gig we can do the same with Luis

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
hahahahaha!

maybe i'm just bad luck says:
*emoticon*

You asked me to describe you in 2 words, here they are : Obsessive Compulsive Pyschotic Bitch...oh that's 4 words... says:
lol

Eyelash Wishes - The All American Rejects

2006-10-19T12:16:00.000+08:00

I love this song. If you want it, ask me on MSN. :)

"Eyelash Wishes"

Spin around
Tell me what to say
Break down
And no other way
What is it
Is this it
This is it

Back to
I never knew your name
Stick through
Soon after the rain
She shines
How she shines
This is it

And shadows blend one last time (save those kisses)
Your picture speaks on this time (eyelash wishes)

Cause I been up 3 days
Awake awake
2 more weeks
And I’m turning to fade
The world still turns
What makes sense
Stretch this song to a fever cadence
Up 3 days
Awake awake
2 more weeks
And I’m turning to fade
And all things close
All I wish
Never change these distances

Green eyes
Everything I see
Green skies
If left up to me
And I know
And she knows
This is it

And shadows blend one last time (save those kisses)
Your picture speaks on this time (eyelash wishes)

Cause I've been up 3 days
Awake awake
2 more weeks
And I’m turning to fade
The world still turns
What makes sense
Stretch this song to a fever cadence
Up 3 days
Awake awake
2 more weeks
And I’m turning to fade
And all things close
All I wish
Never change these distances

Just be brave
Just listen to me
Your heart gives mine reason to beat
Now

Cause I've been up 3 days
Awake awake
2 more weeks
And I'm turning to fade
The world still turns
What makes sense
Stretch this song to a fever cadence
Up 3 days
Awake awake
2 more weeks
And I'm turning to fade
And all things close
All I wish
Never change these distances

And shadows blend one last time (save those kisses)
Your picture speaks on this time (eyelash wishes)

End of Promos

2006-10-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

Contrary to the popular belief, I realized that teachers aren't exactly out to get us during exams. I've been told many many times over the past 6 years that teachers plot our downfall by setting the toughest papers during exams. They want us to fail, feel demoralized, feel worthless and stupid. And yes, I know a few teachers who examplify that notion but I realized, in YJ, no matter how stringent the promotional criteria is, the teachers actually want us to pass. And my history teacher is a living testament to that. The paper he set for us today was child's play. The same questions he had gone through over and over again. It is quite obvious he wants us to pass, not only that, he wants us to pass with flying colours. He could've set killer questions but he didn't. He made it easy for us and I thank him for that.

Literature was okay, except the Unseen Poetry section where there was actually a typo-error. And I realized that if the typo-error had been spotted during the exam, it would've made the interpretation of the poem much much easier. Kingsley was the one who found the error and he notified our teacher. Strangely, our teacher has yet to respond to the error. Do you think they should give us compensation marks? Hell yes, because if the error wasn't there, interpreting it would have been much much easier. All my classmates and levelmates have been complaining about how difficult it was to interpret that one pathetic poem. Come on!

Overall, promos went quite okay. I know I can pass everything, and I'm hoping for an A in both Econs and History because they were the best subjects. Maths was reasonable and I'll be content with a B and Literature would probably be a C because of the poem. GP, I am not sure but I know I did enough to ensure at least a C. Maybe a B or if I am lucky, I might get an A. I'll keep my fingers crossed. Anyway, now that the promos are over, there is no point contemplating on what's been done. I know I cannot change my answers or anything, so the best thing is to keep my fingers crossed, hoping I get safely promoted to J2 with my classmates.

Because it's Lit tomorrow, look what yours truly is doing!!!

2006-10-17T21:20:00.000+08:00

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.
Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.
And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

You Are Bold And Brave

But daring? Not usually?
You tend to like to make calculated risks.
So while you may not be base jumping any time soon...
You are up for whatever's new and (a little) exciting!

How Daring Are You?

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.

How Scary Are You?

Oh joy!

Exams

2006-10-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

Why is it that people always tremble when the word "Exams" is uttered? Why is it that we feel this utter sense of impending doom approaching us? I mean exams is just a recollection of all the things we have learnt on a normal school day right? Be it maths, or Econs or Lit or even History, why is it that the word exam brings such terror to our hearts and mind? I don't get it. I mean if you revise your work thoroughly, should you really be worried?

Yes, I am saying this in relation to my Promotional Examination which ends on Thursday with the last paper being International History. That means, regurgitating a whole lot of information on the Cold War and how people like Truman, Kennedy, Stalin, Brezhnev and Gorbachev played a part in escalating and ending this long war. But I am not really worried. I don't brag to be the best in History but I am reasonably good. I mean I have yet to fail. On the contrary I have yet to receive an A grade for my essays. So far, my teacher only gave me a high B or a C. I really need to impress him with my essays to earn my A. And I know I can do it, because I'll be frank, I am good in History. At least I am skilled enough to analyse and write according to the question requirements.

Tomorrow's my Lit paper. A subject I am not particularly fond of. Maybe that's because I never get an A for it. No matter how hard I try, it seems like my essays are always lacking either in depth or in analytical comments. I am trying my best and seeing my friends get constant As makes me sad. Of course I don't say this to anyone because I feel happy for them. They are surely doing something different that's getting them such high marks. I have even borrowed a few people's work to see where am I getting wrong. And I still see no clues. Well I am prepared to give one last shot tomorrow and if I still fail to get at least a B, I'm going to have long consultation sessions with my tutors. Maybe they can help me out here.

So far, I am done with Maths and Econs. They didn't go as perfectly as I had hoped. But I know I can get at least a B for both of them. I don't know, maybe if luck is on my side, I might actually get an A for Econs, which means H3!!!! Oh boy, I'd love to do H3 Econs because it's challenging and it requires individual study and research and write a research report. That means I'll be totally on my own but I'm sure I can consult my tutors. My parents are still having some reservations about H3. They are not too keen on me taking it because they fear I may not be able to cope. I don't know. Next year's pretty important, considering I have to sit for the most important exam in my life, The A Levels. I need to ace them in order to get out of Singapore and study some place nice like the States or UK. And my parents refuse to spend money on my overseas higher education unless I do well in the A levels. So that means 4 As.

I know I can do it. I had the excuse in the O-levels because I was doing triple science which I absolutely hated but was forced to take, thanks to my stupid Secondary School. But here I am, in a JC that allowed me to do the subjects that I simply adore. How can I not score straight As? Not only will I be letting my parents down, I'll let my school down because they gave me the sovereignity to choose my own subjects. Plus, I'll let myself down. Oh well, I'll have plenty of time to think about the As. Now to get through the Promos. Bye!

Photographs And Memories

2006-10-02T17:06:00.000+08:00

The rain drops fall against the window
Creating tiny patterns,
The night grows darker,
As he slips into oblivion.

So many photos on the wall,
So many memories
Hidden in them all.
He tries to remember,
But they're lost to him forever.

His life's become a puppet
Fate has become it's string,
Everything he wished to remember
Were gone forever.

As the rain continues to pour
He stares at the wall
He looks at them photos,
One by one,
Still, no memories at all.

He lets out a sigh,
He knows he cannot deny
His memories of her, were lost forever.
And that is the reality,
He knows he must embrace.

Who Am I?

2006-10-02T16:33:00.000+08:00

Who am I? That's the question which has been bothering me, ever since I graced myself with the book Sophie's World. Usually I am not much of a philosopher and neither do I think much about the existence of mankind or God or anything else. But lately, like dear Sophie in the book, I couldn't help but think who am I? Unlike her, I do not have an anonymous philosopher guiding me through letters in my mail box. So I was forced to think on my own.

I am a girl. I have short black hair, partially fair skin, black eyes, a semi-sharp nose, a pair of normal shaped lips, hands, legs, slightly rounded upper and lower body. But that's just the meta-physical definition of who I am. I have been given a name when I was born. Friends and family call me by that name and a few other pet names they identify me with. When I introduce myself to new people, I say my name " " and they forever remember me with that name. Whenever they hear my name, they'll associate it with a picture of me formulating in their mind.

But I wonder, is that who I am? Just another carbon based life form, functioning for a few decades or so, being given a name to distinguish myself from other life forms? I mean we always preach how clever mankind is from the rest of the animal kingdom and we pride ourselves with our MichelAngelos, Einsteins, Newtons, Picasos, Mozarts and so on. So I get it, I am a part of this ever-progressing race that has named itself as "MAN". So what? Does it really define who I am?

Suppose if I meet an alien from another planet, as barbaric as it sounds, if it was going to ask, "Who are you?" what would I answer to him? That I am a carbon-based life form and I belong to the race called "MAN" and that my name is " ". Wouldn't that be as vague as the alien telling me, "I'm an alien"? I mean there has to be something that defines who I am? Infact, there should be something defining all individual human beings. But what is it?

I'm an aethist by nature, so I dismiss the idea of God creating us and sending us to Earth to serve a purpose. No I'm more of a "I believe what I see" kind of person, so I need substantial proof before I believe in something. Surprisingly, I have never questioned my own existance before, so why am I questioning it now? Can a book really have such an impact on someone like me? Well I don't think I'll ever get an answer to my question in the near future. I'm just hoping someone can explain to me who I really am. I know I am not just a mere individual, part of Mankind. There is something more to it than that. There has to be something more...

Failure

2006-10-01T17:05:00.000+08:00

Failure. I've heard many people speak of it, as if it's a plague threatening all our happiness and making our lives a living hell. Few people told me that failure can be in terms of family, friends, work, studies and even as a community. I don't know much about them but I do know what it's like, being a failure in terms of family and friends and of course studies. It's not like I have never in my life failed a test and felt so down and depressed. But come to think of it, because of such a failure, I have always ended up doing much much much better for my next tests. Why? Because when I failed I felt I let myself down. Yeah sure my parents were disappointed and they told me to pick up from where I left off. But it wasn't so easy for me. I felt humiliated and shattered and that's what motivated me to work so hard, that I aced the next test.

It's always like that. I think I can safely say that failure makes us truly appreaciate the true feeling of success. I know it's such a cliched thing to say but I don't think anyone of us would actually know what a good feeling it is to suceed in something if we didn't experience the heartbreak of a failure. I have always been afraid to fail in every aspect of my life. I'm a perfectionist by nature and am very reserved about who I open up to and stuff. I'm quite the introvert so you can imagine why it's so important for me to be perfect. Let me put this in a nutshell: Failure is not an option for me.

I've been listening to the song Move Along by The All American Rejects and a few words from the lyrics struck me.

"When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along"

These words are so true. We got to always move along. We can't just sit still and remenisce the past. Like they say, "NO Point Crying Over Spilt Milk."

I don't know what else to say. This is all I can say for now.